When we talk about birth trauma, the conversation often begins with individual stories, but where it leads can be generational. Lori Barklage, founder of Birthing Peace Within, reminds us that trauma is not only deeply personal but also profoundly systemic. Her life's work—and her deeply moving personal experience—reveal how unhealed trauma ripples through families, care providers, and birth systems, influencing decisions, fears, and outcomes in powerful ways.
The Hidden Web of Birth Trauma
Birth is more than a physiological event. It’s a deeply emotional, spiritual, and psychological passage—one that reflects both our personal stories and the collective culture we birth within.
For Lori, a midwife, trauma healing specialist, and former instructor at Ancient Art Midwifery, her path began with a traumatic hospital transfer at 42 weeks, followed by a hemorrhage caused not by her body’s failure, but by a doctor’s fear-based intervention. The procedure was driven by a trauma he had experienced just a week earlier—a patient’s embolism at the 40-minute mark after birth. "He wasn't looking at me," Lori reflects. "He was looking at last week's emergency."
This is the essence of trauma-informed midwifery: recognizing that care providers, too, carry trauma, and when it goes unhealed, it silently shapes clinical decisions, policies, and client relationships.
Secondary Trauma Is Still Primary
One of the most radical truths Lori shared is this: “Secondary trauma is actually primary trauma.” When birth workers feel emotionally wounded by what they witness—whether directly or through the stories of others—it’s not just empathy at play. It’s their own unhealed pain being activated. Trauma loops emerge when these unresolved responses dictate clinical choices or rigid protocols.
This is how trauma becomes institutionalized: a tragic event leads to a new rule or intervention that applies to everyone, whether it serves them or not. Over time, these rules pile up and create systems more rooted in fear than in trust.
Birth Choices Rooted in Fear
One of the most poignant insights Lori offers is the recognition that some families choose unassisted or free births not out of empowerment, but out of fear. Fear of betrayal, fear of coercion, fear of reliving a previous trauma. “If someone is afraid to give birth at home, putting them there isn’t supportive. But if they’re afraid of the hospital because of trauma or betrayal, then we have to understand what support really looks like,” Lori explains.
Whether it’s a hospital birth, a planned cesarean, or a wild, unassisted home birth, what matters most is the “why”—the inner motivation and the support structures surrounding it.
The Power of “The 4 Whys”
To help both birth workers and families uncover those hidden motivators, Lori developed a simple but transformative practice: The 4 Whys.
When faced with a choice—or a fear—ask:
- Why do I feel this way?
- Why is that important to me?
- Why do I believe that?
- Why do I want this outcome?
This self-inquiry digs beneath the surface, often revealing that many decisions stem from past experiences, inherited beliefs, or fears absorbed from others. Understanding your why is a powerful step toward choosing from a place of sovereignty, not fear.
Empowered Birth Transforms Generations
Ultimately, Lori’s mission is about reclaiming birth as a place of power, not pain. She urges us to look beyond the mode of delivery to what truly matters: Did the parent feel heard, safe, and supported? Were they able to choose from a grounded place?
Because when someone gives birth feeling confident, connected, and capable, they begin parenthood from a place of strength. And that strength shapes not just their baby, but future generations.
If You’re a Parent:
- Ask yourself the “4 Whys” when making decisions.
- Surround yourself with care providers who support your sovereignty.
- Know that healing past trauma can deeply influence your birth experience.
If You’re a Birth Worker:
- Reflect on your own birth and training experiences.
- Consider how unhealed trauma may shape your policies or boundaries.
- Support clients in finding their own truth, not enforcing your fears.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
If this conversation stirred something in you, don’t miss the full episode with Lori Barklage on the Born Wild Podcast. Tune in for more on healing trauma, reclaiming birth, and breaking generational patterns.
